last night...

... I had a dream.  I found myself with Ryan Christopher, the unrequited love of my life at the ripe old age of 12 years.  I haven't seen his face for almost 20 years but somehow in my dream I aged him perfectly.  He still looked the same except, well, older.

So there he is - Ryan Christopher in all his glory - telling me he's thought about me for the last 20 years and would we wanna be startin' something (yeah, yeah) up now?  That's when I woke to the sound of my alarm telling me to get my backside out of bed and get ready for work.

This isn't the first time I've had a dream about an unrequited love from my formative years.  Not too long ago I had one about James Hullin - the unrequited love of my life at age 14.  He too wanted to take me back and start over.

Is it the snow that's causing my mind to think of such random people?  I haven't stayed in touch with any of these people since I left my hometown.  Would they really be thinking about me?  Or is it a case of brain freeze (it's f-ing cold in this town!)?

Either way, I need a good stimulus package... economic, that is.

illumination

I have been inspired as of late.  I watched Barack Obama's inauguration in tears but for once they were tears of joy and hope.  This man, in my eyes, represents change.  Change is here, people.  It's inevitable.  Yet I seem to have encountered those who fear change and are somewhat resistant to its possibilities.  I can't be surrounded by such things anymore.  I don't want people in my life who are going to be boo-hoohing 24/7 when there is indeed hope in this life.   If I can say that when just a few short months ago I thought there was no hope and no reason to live... it's big.  REALLY big.

Christiane's boyfriend has also inspired me to keep up this blog.  He's got 2 of them - one in English and one in French.  One day I'll do this in French but for now, I'll just express myself in my native tongue.  Life is still life and I still want to tell it from my point of view.

Nice to know I have a life here now.  I love this town and I'm going to make this place my home.  All are welcome to come along for the ride but if you have better meat elsewhere, then leave me in peace to live my new found life.

two oh-oh nine

Guess who's bizzack!!!  Didja miss me?   We are over 17 hours into 2009 which means for the last 17 hours my life hasn't been a pile of crap.  Best of all, 2009 started on a much better note than 2008 did!

No one can completely imagine how much last year stank.  Yet out of that darkness I discovered my true self and learned truths about those around me.  I know who I am now.  I really didn't before.  I have learned that my priority in this life is to take care of myself as I don't have anyone I can truly rely on to do that for me despite my omnipresent sneaky feelings to the contrary.

I moved to Montreal on Nov 1st and let me tell you, I love it here. I love the city itself because of its down-to-earth vibe.  Ain't nobody tryin' to be somebody or be seen with somebody who's a somebody.  People go about their business and they do their thing.  The cost of living is next to nothing... I actually went out for dinner and a movie!  Why the blank didn't I move here sooner?!   

Either way, life is much better now.  Gone are the days where I didn't know if I would make it.  Now I know I can make it and I will make it. 

Happy 2009!!