Wednesday, September 17, 2008

existentially speaking

It's almost midnight, the moon is high in the sky and I've just ordered a huge pizza.  I had no idea that it would take me almost an hour to find a pizza joint in Toronto that will deliver at this hour.  What the blank is up with this city??  Don't they understand my cravings when the moon is high in the sky?  Have they no concept of my tendencies to stuff my face for comfort?

For the last two days I've been feeling lost... like I have no clue where my life is going and if I make a step in one direction I might 86 another opportunity... therefore I stay put and wait to see where the chips fall.  I hate this feeling.  I'm sure you all know the score by now - I'm tired of thinking about money all the time.  I don't know what it's like to not have to worry about money.  Will that day ever come for me?  Or am I destined for destitution?

Dr Phil has just published a book about the seven worst days of one's life.  So here are the days, according to Athena:

Loss -- the day that I have lost myself

Fear -- the day that I realized every choice I made up until this point was dictated by other people's expectations, not based on my own goals and desires

Adaptability Breakdown -- the day that the pressures of balancing phone calls from bill collectors have become way too overwhelming and I realized that I am in way over my head

Physical Health -- the day that my body revolts against itself because of illness, trauma, or disease as a direct result of worrying about money

Mental Health -- the day that the mind breaks down over constant worrying about lack of money

Addiction -- the day that addiction to fried food and chocolate takes over and my backside swells to catastrophic proportions

[my personal favourite] Existential Crisis -- the day that I lost the purpose, compass, and connection to meaning in life and have no answer to the question "Why?"

Ain't Dr. Phil great?  I can say I've had all these days.  As I write this, today has become tomorrow... or has tomorrow become today?  I don't really know.  

Can't wait for the pizza to get here.  I'll just eat my sorrows away for the time being.