Friday, September 5, 2008

untitled thoughts

I'm sitting here watching Maury and man, I've seen it all.  Get this - woman is dating man, man cheats on her with woman's 18 yr old daughter, daughter gets pregnant and woman dumps man for cheating.  After all this, the baby is (say what?) NOT the man's.  Good gravy.  Now there's a story where a man has a secret to tell a woman and of course, turns out he's cheating on her with her much thinner and younger sister.  If you've ever seen the Maury show, you know 100% of the time when someone has a 'secret' to tell it's always cheating.  If I got a call from the Maury show telling me that my man has a 'secret', I'd go straight to him and say, what's up & tell me now, cuff him upside the head then scarf the free trip to New York.  You know you would do the same thing!

These days I've been mad busy!  It feels good to be busy... I've spent enough time making a dent in my couch. My volunteer work is really going to take off next week however I like what I do and it feels rewarding to do some good in the world.  I may not be making money, but at least it's better than nothing.  Christiane is going to check out 4 apartments for me starting on Sunday and I've got some great leads on jobs.  I can start to see the light - it's been a long time coming.

I just wish Bree & Jazz felt the same.  It hurts me knowing that they're 'concerned'... why?  When they come over to hang out, I've either got no money to do anything, no food to feed them or a combination of both.  I can never go on holiday with them because I'm always broke.  Is that any way to live life - skivving off your friends all the time?  Not for me it isn't.  I want to have fun; hell, right now I can't even afford to go out on a date.  This is not the life I had in mind for myself - living hand to mouth, bill collectors ringing down my phone like a 1-900 number... I can't help but wonder if that's what they want for me just so I can stay.  I don't think so however... oh, I dunno.  

Bree & Jazz, if you're reading this, please know that life is constantly evolving and I'm evolving with it.  I've wanted to make a fresh start for months now and finally it's now my time to shine.  I will miss you both like going outlet shopping in America!  The good times aren't over - they're only beginning!  We've all got our lives to lead and for the first time in my life, I can finally have a life.