Monday, February 23, 2009

sweet nothing

Today I woke up around 10:30am.  I had planned to run a few errands in town but I decided not to... I just didn't feel like it.  In fact, I didn't feel like doing anything except spend the day in my pajamas.  So that's exactly what I did.  I spent most of today in my pajamas.  Updating my blog has been the most productive thing I've done all day.  

I don't really know why but I just don't feel like doing anything.  It's as if I'm waiting for the end of something and it's not coming.  I remember this feeling from about 7 years ago - I had no money for food or rent and I would spend my days searching for jobs and doing not much else.  Back then I didn't have a clue what would happen to me.  

Right now I don't have a clue what will happen to me.  Yet I have to wonder if there's something more to all of this...?  My aunt says I have to let go of all the anger I have towards the people in my life and only after I do that I can move on.  She's probably right in all honesty however once I do that, what do I move on to?   What's out there for me?

Try to imagine that tomorrow will bring nothingness.  That's exactly how I feel at this moment.  Like when I go to sleep tonight I will wake tomorrow to more of the same.  

Could it be that the next chapter in this life is right there in front of my face and I just don't (or can't) see it.  If that is the case then I wish I could just open up my eyes to what is actually there.