Tuesday, February 24, 2009

dreams on fire

I have a feeling that some of my friends have no idea what I'm going through.  It's not just about not having a job or steady income.  Times like this are making me think about my life in general.  How did I get here?  Was it a result of bad choices?  Do I just have no clue about what I'm doing?

Every night I pray to a higher power to help me through this period in time.  I hold my polar bear Bill close to my heart while I pray for clarity... purpose... a sign of things to come.  I would love to know what the next chapter of this life holds for me yet I fear it.  Every step I've taken has ended in sheer disaster - relationships, jobs, etc.  Can I do anything right with the life I have?  No wonder I have no idea what to do next for fear I'll blank it up.  

I dream about a life where I can see the world.  I dream about telling my story to the world.  I dream about never depending on anyone for anything except love.  I dream about actually being loved - unconditionally, unequivocally loved. Last night I went to sleep wondering what today would bring.  Now I know every day is a wonder in itself.