Monday, March 2, 2009


I had all kinds of aspirations for today.  I woke up this morning thinking I'm going out to face the world and handle my bidness as needed.  Then I realized it's March - my bus pass doesn't work anymore and I don't have enough change to take the bus to buy tickets.  My landlord lost my rent cheque and it'll take up to 2 months to replace it.  My driver's licence is going to take longer than expected,  I don't have any health insurance yet and my passport has expired... all of which take money to fix.

I have to wonder if I've been living in a daze this last little while.  I could have done all of these things last month.  Why does that time feel fuzzy?  It's almost as if I enjoy making things difficult for myself so I can prove that I overcame such difficult circumstances.  Why in hell would I do that?  Perhaps I'm waiting to be rescued just so I know what that feels like... to have someone give a hoot.  I am truly tired of relying solely on myself.  Everyone else is being taken care of by another so why not me?  There are times where I feel really alone in this world since everyone else has their own lives.

What next?  Maybe I'll do some more laundry.  I could work on the outline of my book (I started it last night).  I could apply for a few jobs.  I could also reflect.  Either way, as per the norm, I gotta get myself out of this situation.