Thursday, July 31, 2008

no money, mo' problems

I finally got my backside to the gym today.  All I did was 20 minutes of cardio & some abs but man, I feel like a rock star!  I've got endorphins runnin' all through me.  I really need to go there more often - not just for the obvious benefits but for the sheer amusement!  Between the untrimmed hedges in the ladies' changeroom to the juice pigs working out 1 muscle group to the dexters working up the courage to pick up some unsuspecting chick on the elliptical trainer, it's pure entertainment.  In case you were wondering, I love to people watch.  You can find out so much about a person just by observing their mannerisms.  Good times!

Saturday's Lotto 6/49 jackpot is $36 million dollars.  Betcha ten pennies you got yourself a ticket, eh?  I sure as hell did!  The way I see it, it's just more government cheese but more refined; I'm currently receiving Velveeta whereas now I have a chance to dine on fine French brie with crudités.  Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming about what would it be like to be $36 million dollars richer than I am now.   (cue the dream sequence)

What would you do with $36 million other than the given (pay off bills, etc etc etc)?  I'd pee my pants then pass out.  After I come to and clean myself up, I'd go out for dinner.  The thought of all that dough is quite daunting, now that I think about it.  I'm sure all kinds of characters would come out of the woodwork looking for a hookup - not gonna happen!  They can crawl right back where they came from.

Do we see the lottery as a means to escape the humdrum of our daily lives?  I've seen executives making six figures play the lottery.  What the blank, eh?   That's sheer greediness in my opinion.  Maybe they could use the winnings to import their latest nanny from God-knows where and buy that house in the Hamptons just to be part of that 'crowd'.  Cha.  The Hamptons and places like it are for later - all they are is a big swordfight to see which person has the biggest, widest... property.  We all dream about how our lives would be so much easier with all that dough.  We wouldn't have to worry about finances ever again.  Our kids would never have to worry about finances ever again.   We could do all the things we always dreamed of doing.  Would it be easier, though?  Biggie said "mo' money, mo' problems".  Somehow I do believe that's true.

A few years back this guy in Nebraska won $314 million in the Powerball lottery.  He was head of a contracting firm and had a decent life.  After electing a $170 million cash payout, he ended up with $114 million after taxes.  Next came what would make a great reality TV show - wife left him, DUIs, lawsuits... all kinds of tomfoolery!  For the record, if your backside has $114 million, why are you getting arrested for DUIs?!   Call a blanking cab - not like you can't afford it!  Shame befall you!!!  I don't think this guy's life got any better after he won the cash.  Poor soul.  That's gonna be one heck of a fight for his estate after he kicks the heavenly bucket.

If I won $36 million, this is what I'd do with it (just in case you were curious)
  1. Pay off my $40K debt
  2. Go out for dinner
  3. Plan a ridonkulous shopping spree with me & the girls
  4. Buy a Wii, Wii Fit and Guitar Hero
  5. Buy a home (not a house but a place where I really call it my home)
  6. Invest - my $$$ will work for me so I won't have to work for my money
  7. Travel the world
  8. Continue my blog
I'm sure I'd do more but I can't think of anything immediately right now.  What about my family?  Not sure.  Cruel as this might sound, I'd have a hard time giving them cash when they refused to help me in my time of need.  Just because we share the same DNA does not obligate me to do anything.  Go ahead and call me a selfish beeyatch but right now, this is my time to be selfish!  I've never been truly selfish in my life.  Actually, it's kinda fun.  

I'm sure my life would be totally different with a fat bank account.  I'd have an entirely new set of issues to deal with.  Isn't that what makes life what it is - life?  Granted, I could live like I've never lived before. I could see the world.  I could experience new cultures and traditions.  I could even buy myself a date or two.  

In case you were wondering about my big decision, I've decided to spend the Velveeta on food.  I was all set to save it for rent then I remembered how I lost 30 pounds 6 years ago because I couldn't afford to buy food.  As much as I probably should lose the weight, I don't want to experience that starvation EVER again.  At least I could get a few of this blasted bill collectors off my back.  I'm praying to have a bill collector-free day just once... where no one would ask me when to expect payment... when the clock strikes when-I-have-it o'clock is when you can expect payment.  Grr!

In 48 hours I'll know whether I'm going to be a rich beeyatch or still broke as a joke.  Good luck to all of you who bought tickets but know this - that's my money!!  Get your own sandwich!!