Tuesday, June 2, 2009

from atop my soapbox... again

I just watched the hot mess that is I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!  I don't know if I'll get that time or the brain cells back however it's that type of reality that literally is so addictive you gotta keep watching to see what happens next.  

Watching that show is not what prompted me to get out my soapbox.  During the show, one of the contestants was actually baptized in the name of Jesus before making a 'dramatic' exit.  That's right kids - bloody baptized.  Hearing these fools go on and on about how they're born-again Christians and they try to live the life of Christ every day is beyond nauseating.  Are they really Christian?  Better yet, is there even such a thing?  I want to shout from my soapbox that I do not believe in Christianity and its followers.  The Roman Catholic Church is a farce of an organization.  When you give to the church, you're funding someone's lavish lifestyle while you scrape by on government cheddar and food stamps.  Save your money, folks.

My Aunt Marion is a perfect example of these coconuts.  She told me that the ONLY way to live is to pray and read the Bible.  Why would I want to read something commissioned by Constantine & the Council of Nicaea in 325 AD?  Our homey Constantine was a Roman Emperor who was getting heat from the sun worshippers and the Christians.  In order to save his own ass, he decided to fuse heliolatry and Christ worship to form Catholicism.  The masses were happy and off they went to burn witches at the stake and massacre thousands in the name of Christ.  Fast-forward a few centuries and you've got the Holy See condemning birth control & homosexuality only to turn a blind eye while Catholic priests were discovered to be total diddlers.  Yeah, like I'm going to praise that.

If you are reading this and damning me to tell, go for it.  I don't mind since that is clearly what gets you through the day.  This Jesus jazz just isn't for me.  

Now I will direct my rant onto a blogger who will remain nameless.  This blogger has a site where they post their views for all to see... yet as a fan of this blog I was shocked to see the blasphemous comments madebabout Canada.  You know who you are so listen to this.

Canada may be a land of igloos, mounties and Tim Hortons but we are more free than you Yanks to the south.  We do not fear our own shadow.  While the rest of the planet can't stand your stank modus operandi and your constant meddling into affairs that are not your own, other countries actually like us.  We can travel the globe and wear our flag proudly while you run to the local embassy because someone spat at your feet.  We are an intelligent nation and laugh at you because your kids are so thick they can't even point out where they live on a map.  We brought the world basketball. Insulin.  The BlackBerry.  Instant replay.  The telephone.  What have you Yanks given the world?  Nothing but aggro and a state of unrest. And yes, we do have a queen.  Her name is Elizabeth II.  She lives in a faraway land called the United Kingdom.  You'd know that if you paid attention in history class.

Our men are fine and we women are a force to be reckoned with.  We are more than a hockey-loving nation.  We embrace other cultures and do not force new citizens to leave their ancestry at the border.  Most of all, we have free health care.  Canada may not have star power but we have power nonetheless.  You Yanks are the real rednecks.  You are the reason for the global recession.  You are the world's worst polluter.  While your head of state is a respectable man, he sure has his work cut out for him as he tries to make your pathetic union a fraction of all that is Canada.  So, my bloody Americans, stay on your side of the border and leave us in peace. Our milk may come in a bag and we might have funny accents yet we live in peace with ourselves and the rest of humankind.